From Grief to Grace

Why does it often feel as though our lives are a series of ‘close encounters of the hard kind’? There are countless examples of this pain-filled journey from ‘Grief to Grace’ captured in the annals of our human family. Please allow me to draw upon one particular personal experience, by way of illustration, that touched my heart.

Several years ago, a local family lost their infant son and were plunged into a period of inconsolable grief and unbearable pain. Two years after the death, while speaking with the father, he posed the following poignant question: “How long does the grieving last and does it ever really end?”

So how does one deeply reply to such a heartfelt inquiry in a meaningful way so that our words are not simply a string of platitudes? Searching for an appropriate answer, I found myself reflecting on how Mother Nature processes the death of forms. During my time as an organic farmer and gardener, the art of composting has been one of the horticultural practices which has given me the greatest understanding and so I decided to relate this experience as my storied response.

When flowers have blossomed, produced their seeds and died back, it is customary to place them in a compost bin – together with other plant materials that have served their seasonal purpose. In the early stages of decomposition, much heat is generated and the whole pile quickly becomes sour, smelly and sticky to the touch as it rapidly breaks down. The compost continues to cook and, at the appropriate moment, the pile is aerated by turning it over so the natural alchemical process of transformation is enhanced. Gradually, the original heap of dead foliage arrives at a point when the composting process is complete. So, how do we know when it is ready?

The answer is really quite simple. When we place our hand inside the compost pile, it is no longer hot, smelly and sticky but has reached a state where it is cool and crumbly and feels finely blended to our fingers and it smells sweet rather than exuding the sour odor of its acrid beginning. The decayed matter is now magically transmuted into a rich nutrient supporting new growth in the garden.

I believe this same natural process is at play in transforming our human grief. Without doubt, the optimal compost bin for holding this alchemical process is an open, caring and compassionate heart. The deep pain and grief that roars and rages inside our solar plexus and constantly invades our thoughts needs to be carefully and loving placed inside the warm embrace of the heart as an initial step of bringing solace to our life.

Like the compost pile in the garden, this initial phase is intensely heated, odorous and messy and so we may well infer that ‘life stinks!’ However, as we acknowledge, fully accept and come to terms with what has happened and breathe more air into our troubled emotional waters, our relationship to the past shifts.

What was previously held as a tragedy and a personal disaster slowly morphs into a new perspective that contains a more holistic and positive attitude. The ‘utterly bad’ that befell us is now viewed, in the words of the Danish spiritual teacher Martinus, as the ‘unpleasant good’.

Of course, we will still miss the person who departed but when we think of them it is no longer a gut-wrenching experience but a time of sweet remembering and an opportunity to give thanks for the gifts which they graced to us during their earthly sojourn. Gratitude expands our capacity to be engaged with life in a more compassionate and joyful manner and this greatly helps us hold the pain and suffering experienced during each challenging episode. Gratitude for whatever life may bring, no matter how painful, creates a transformative ‘space for Grace’.

I am in no way suggesting that the process of grieving is as straight-forward and easy to manage as composting dead vegetation in the backyard. Compost piles are ready in a matter of months while the grieving process may stretch out over several years. However, I do believe that the alchemy of turning a mass of sour matter into a sweet and life-giving substance for the garden and transforming the lead of heavy sorrow into the shining gold of wisdom is the self-same universal process of regeneration at work in our daily lives.

In today’s world, my friend’s experience of grieving is not an isolated incident. There are so many tragic images displayed daily on our screens that at times it simply feels too much to ingest and assimilate. These jagged and jarring scenes of suffering can fill and overwhelm our collective field of vision and easily trigger feelings of despair and despondency.

It begs the question, “Why is there so much suffering in the world when a key characteristic and quality of the Soul is said to be unbounded Joy?” Understanding and resolving this conundrum of pain and joy which co-exist inside the same temporal arc is an urgent task facing us all if we are to remain positive and undeterred by the implosions and perturbations of a society in upheaval. 

In the Wisdom Teaching associated with Meditation Mount’s spiritual lineage, Earth is referred to as the ‘Blue Pearl’ which gives us a possible clue to the underlying reason behind our particularly challenging terrestrial experience. The esoteric approach inside the classroom of Earth is stated to be an evolutionary movement from pain and suffering towards that of joy and wisdom.

We know from science how a pearl is formed. It starts with a piece of grit finding its way into an oyster shell in the ocean which causes irritation of the membrane inside. The oyster’s soft inner body then secretes a smooth crystalline substance called nacre that coats and reduces the irritation. As this coating builds up layer by layer over time, it forms a pearl.

Our lives can be gritty and irritating as we learn to grow through the abrasive nature of our challenges while rubbing up against each other in order to smooth out our own unpolished edges. The Pearl of Wisdom is the precious precipitate of this experiential learning process.

I wonder if you, like me, have posed the following question: “How can I be truly joyful while surrounded by so much suffering?”  Dr Roberto Assagioli (founder of the spiritual psychology ‘Psychosynthesis’ and the inspiration behind Meditation Mount) offers this guidance in response:

“Spiritual Joy is a duty towards others. At every step on our way we should help our brothers and sisters to share in the treasures which we have discovered, in the benefits which have been showered upon us, in the powers which are developing in us.

This is the unchangeable law of justice and of love, the direct expression of the fundamental unity of all beings. Thus, whoever attains the first illuminations must share them with others. One of the most effective ways of doing this is by pouring out upon them our own joy.”

In his lectures, Dr Assagioli often pointed out that the illumined soul, which has vitally experienced the purifying and elevating action of suffering, not only does no longer flee it, not only endures it patiently and accepts it with good will, but finally comes to rejoice in it.  Grief has now become the gift of Grace.

One of the main tasks of our community service must surely be to rekindle the Fire of Compassion in the heart of humanity that will successfully lead us through this long and arduous passage from pain and suffering into a self-realized state of joy and wisdom. Compassion is the Philosopher’s Stone capable of turning the base metals of our unredeemed human aspects into the gold of the Soul.

It requires compassion for self, compassion for our sisters and brothers in the human family and compassion for all beings – both visible and invisible – so that we may move into a collective state of grace and liberation from suffering.

We close with these powerfully evocative words from the ancient Gayatri Prayer: “Lead us from darkness into light, from the unreal to the real and from death to immortality.” So be it!

Michael Lindfield

Board President

Meditation Mount